So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
