I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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