I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
