I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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