I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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