I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
