Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
