Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
