I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
