I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am one with the molecules
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
