who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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