remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
