What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
