my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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