I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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