you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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