i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We had to coat check the pizza.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
