Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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