I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im part way to drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
