He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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