So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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