Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
