I met the friendliest cop last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
