he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
