Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
