I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
