we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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