The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
