apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
