she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
