So drunk its hurt
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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