so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
