I think I am morally bankrupt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
