i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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