guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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