Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
