can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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