so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
