i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
