I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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