The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
