Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
