He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
