areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
