i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
