The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
