I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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