i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
