Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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