i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
