I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
