dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
